Marry a Japanese Woman : Traditional Japanese Matchmaker

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Tips for Men

#078 Don’t Ask About Her Past Relationships at The First Meeting with Her


Don't Ask Japanese Women

One of the reasons that first meetings often don’t work out is because men often ask about her past relationships.

Men often ask her,

“How many men have you met thorough MJL?”

Is this really an important question for you to ask at the first meeting?

Do you think that asking this question makes her feel happy?

As a general recommendation for men during their first meeting, we advise that is better not to ask such a question to her.

If she seriously answered this question her reply might be like this,

“Ummmm, let me see, this is the 10th meeting since I started searching for a man at MJL.”

You will most likely feel disappointed to hear that she has been meeting with so many men, but she is still single. You may think that she has some problems creating a relationship with a man.

If she talked about the previous meeting with the other man, it might sound like this,

“He was cool! I liked him!”

What do you think? You may wonder why she is meeting with you even though she is interested in the man she met before.

Either way, asking the question “How many men have you met through MJL?” doesn’t make either of you happy and really is not necessary to ask in the first place.

Although everyone knows that asking about a woman’s past relationships doesn’t make sense, and it is unnecessary, people repeatedly ask their dates this question. Asking the question is counterproductive and may even ruin your relationship with her.

I have never asked my husband about his past relationships, and my husband never asked me about my past relationships. One day shortly after we met, while I was making dinner in the kitchen, I opened the cabinet doors and a container fell down to the kitchen counter. I opened the container and saw a bunch of blonde hair. I suddenly realized that the hair most likely is my husband’s ex-girlfriend’s hair. I brought it to my husband and said
“Would you please put this hair in the trash”,
without asking the story about the hair. He said that he wanted to keep such a beautiful thing, and I am not sure if he keeps or not, but I have never asked about it or seen it since then.

Anyway, I am sure that my husband has had many beautiful love stories before he met me, and that is fantastic, but it is not necessary for me to ask all sorts of prying questions. Now is the most important time for us, not the past. Sharing wonderful time together is what matters to us both.

If you want to know her past relationship, it doesn’t have to be at the first meeting. The purpose of the first meeting is for both of you to feel comfortable and to find out if you and she would like to see each other again. Therefore, it would be nice to ask her gentle questions which allow you to get to know her a little and make her feel happy at the same time.


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Naoko Mastumoto

Founder and Personal Matchmaker at Traditional Japanese Matchmaker
Naoko Matsumoto is a certified personal matchmaker, founder and CEO of Traditional Japanese Matchmaker ( : the first international matchmaking company in Japan specializing in Japanese women. Naoko established TJM, a matchmaking company, in Minami Aoyama Tokyo in 1999. She has over 20 years experience in the matchmaking industry and in relationship coaching. TJM assists gentlemen all over the world and Japanese women in finding their right partners. TJM's mission is to connect happy men and women in order to create a global circle of happiness.


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